On February 16,2019 Easton Stewart Duff entered the world with a head full of curly brown hair, blue eyes and looking just like his daddy. He weighed 5 pounds and 3 ounces and 20.5 inches long. I thought he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had never felt such love, I could stay like that forever.

• 

• 

• 

• 

While holding him the nurse checked his vitals and saw that his temperature was low. Easton was took from my arms and placed in the warmer. I couldn’t understand what was going on. Why did this have to happen? They couldn’t get his temperature up so the DR decided to ship him to UK NICU to figure out why his temperature was so low and for further testing. They took him to the nursery while waiting on the ambulance and started an IV and monitored his vitals. He was given a vitamin K shot which he did not take well. His O2 dropped and respiratory was called to his side. He recovered, as he would do many times over the next week. He was sent to the NICU early Sunday morning on the 17th. My worst nightmare was coming true.

Imagine a little brown hair, brown eyed girl dressed up as a bride and playing with her baby dolls. She dreamt of being a wife and mommy just like her mommy. Who would she marry? How many babies would she have? She didn’t know the road to such dreams would be paved with hardships and heartbreak. What she did know was that she was going to be the best mommy in the world. Or so she thought.

In 2009 at 22 years old I got married. Right away I wanted to start a family but in all honesty we wasn’t ready for such a financial responsibility. I know what you thinking, I’ve heard it a million times. “If you wait until your financially ready you will never have one”. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that.

A year into our marriage we left Knott County and moved to Morehead for better job opportunities. A few years later I started college and graduated from the radiology program in 2015. In 2016 we bought our very first home! A few months later we started trying for a baby. I worried and I struggled and I worried and I struggled. In July of 2018 I decided I was going to go the OB/GYN to see if I had fertility issues. My appointment was on July 5th. On June 29th I found out we were expecting! I was beside myself with excitement. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to have a baby!

Fast forward 8-9 months. The swelling and the pain was taking over my body. The drs ignored it if I’m being honest. At 34 weeks my blood pressure started going up. To them it was still normal, to me it was high. I had protein in my urine, again it went ignored. At 37 weeks I was at work and I felt dizzy and I just didn’t feel right. I asked a co worker to check my blood pressure. I can’t remember the exact number but it was high. I had it checked a few more times and it was 170/102. I decided to go upstairs for observation. The DR came in the next morning and put me off work. The day after that I went in for a BP check and imagine this, it was still high (insert sarcasm here). It was decided it was in the best interest of me and the baby to be induced that day. My dreams were coming true! Or so I thought.

Hello my name is Melissa and I have postpartum depression. I feel the need to discuss my journey through postpartum depression so I help others who may also struggle with depression.

Before I get into that let me give you a little background information. I’m 32 years old I had my first child this year. I struggled to get pregnant for almost two years before conceiving. My husband and I have been married 10 years this August. That’s a long time to wait before having a child huh? Well I think so to but that’s a story for another day. All my life I have dreamed of being a mommy, in life that’s my only true desire so when I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t have been more thrilled. As my pregnancy progressed I started to lose interest in things that meant the most to me.

I stopped going to church, I gave up learning to play piano, I quit singing, I didn’t want to read. All these things were important to me. I just thought I was tired and couldn’t focus due to the excitement. Little did I know depression was taking over.